Zoé

“I don’t like when things change, even if it can be for the better. I like things to always be in order,” she said to me.
“Change is inevitable, isn’t it?”
“I know, I know. It’s very complicated for me.”

“Are you afraid to die?”
“Yes, I’m very afraid that my life could stop. I simply don’t want to die, although I have health problems. I try to cope with my disease by pretending it’s not there.”

“If you could live forever, what would you do?”
“I’m curious about many things. I want to know everything about everything. It drives me.”

“Why do you want things to always be in order?”
“This is something I can’t not do. I’m autistic, and that’s a way for me to cope with the chaos in life. When things are not organized, I feel sick.”
“Have you ever had a moment when everything was set in place?”
“Yes, in our flat in Ville d’Avray.”
“And what happened next?”
“My boyfriend and I, and our cat, we moved from this place to Rennes. It was too small for us. We lived there for eight years.”
“How is it in your new place?”
“I feel very good inside. Lately, it has rained a lot, so it was twice as nice.”
“The rain in Rennes. Would you like a glass of water?”
“Yes, thank you!”

She was looking for something in her backpack when I returned with two glasses of water.
“Sorry, I have to take a pill. I forgot about it. Actually, I have a big problem; I developed long COVID.”
“You mean you still have post-COVID effects?”
“Yes, it never stopped, so it’s quite complicated for me.”
“What are the symptoms?”
“I find it very hard to breathe. If I, for instance, have walked too much or just up stairs; every movement I do makes me need medicine to recover. I know that coming here from Rennes will cost me hours of breathlessness afterwards. I also have a problem with my memory. I can’t read anymore because I don’t understand what I read. My hands are trembling all the time. Sorry, what was the question?”
“You were sharing with me the symptoms of your long COVID.”
“When I change my body position, I feel dizzy and I could collapse.” She found the pill and swallowed it with water.
“How does your pill work?”
“It stops dizziness by raising my blood pressure.”

“Why is only one of your nails red?”
“I forgot to wash it off. I wanted to try red color, but I wasn’t happy with it, so I didn’t paint the other nails.”
“Thank you! Here is my idea for your tattoo.” I handed her my notebook.